Ephemerally Ethereal

What I speak of in this post is simply not understood by many. Many people ask questions to themselves and when they do not get an answer from within they seek out answers from wise men. When that door becomes closed, they simply abandon the search and get on with their lives. I have done that several times, and trust me, I have grown tired of abandoning my search. This led me into a frantic regathering of my own senses. The question I sought an answer to is too simple for anyone to answer, but it is rather too complicated, the way I see it. Is love "ephemeral" (everlasting) or is it "ethereal" (out of this world)?

So many wise men gave their views on this topic. I read a lot to find out. But I was dissapointed because I never found what it meant. And believe me, as simple the love you think is, it is not. What led me to a search was a string of lucky breaks I got to be with people whom I loved. They through their own experiences gave me an insight into how simple it looked from outside, but at the same time how difficult it became from inside.

In my story, a girl loved a boy. She had immense faith in him. But every now and then she doubted him. He was a very popular man in his own friends' circle. Always sought by women and his peers. She was not sure if he really loved her. She kept asking questions to him. He used to calmly answer that he only loves her. But jealousy of he being popular always overshadowed their relationship. Slowly the boy started getting averse to the girl. He started ignoring her, even though there was not another. He fell into grief and the girl never found out what happened. She was so much engrossed in imagining that the boy had another affair that she never realized that this same had killed her own love.

One fine day, the boy left for a foreign nation and the girl was left behind. She never got a chance to even say a goodbye. The boy left with his fate, never hoping to return. As a year passed, the girl found another person. He was one fine man. And he took good care of the girl. But the girl was not able to forget the boy. She never got the answer from him. Soon this was realized by the new guy. He was not very popular but he sure had his own ways with girls. The girl found out that this new man, is not what she had thought. He had clandestine relationships and he never told about them. She never had the feelings to ask him as well. The elasticity of relationship had stretched too far that it had to break.

The boy meanwhile, kept himself sunk in his own grief. He never called her, even though he tried once or twice. After a year he returned, and he tried to reach the girl. But after learning about her new realtionship he resigned himself to his own fate. His love was ephemeral but the girl never realized it. Soon the girl came to know about the boy's return. Some life got into her veins. Finally the girl gathered courage and met the boy, only to realize how sad he had become after she left him. She too realized how lonely she had gone after he dissapeared. Thus, love is ethereal. You might know that you are in love but you actually never realize it. Love makes you realize, the way you want to realize. People say it is a situation, I call it fate. Soon they were together again.

Thus, if you are in true love it is always ephemeral and it makes you realize that you are in true love because love is ethereal.

Life is what you perceive and not what you think or plan...

Every now and then I have wondered, has everything gone as I had planned, or has everything gone the way it had to go. I simply never get an answer. Just because I do not have an answer. Whatever I have planned for my career, for my living standards, for my education and for myself, those events and things have gone the way they should have. I have deviated very less in this regard. However, BHEL was a big surprise jump in my career, from IT to core operations marketing :).

But when it comes to life, it is a bigger surprise. Once I had thought that I would perhaps never get a soulmate. As and when I came across people, I was left out with huge differences in attitude. Slowly and gradually I started becoming averse to even trying to find a soulmate. In management terms we call it the "spiral & denial death trap". If someone goes into the "Ho Jaayega" mode he is more likely to fail. I went into that same death trap and left myself to fate. Somehow, fate had something in store for me. It had the biggest surprises of all. It would change my way of looking at things and conversely looking at myself being with people.

I found someone, from whose eyes I couldn't take my eyes off. It was not just beauty that bedazzled me, it was something more than that. It was her ability to actually let me be what I am. It was her ability to actually boss around on me, but, still giving me enough freedom to breathe my part of life. It was her ability to give me myself and make me realize that I was needed for once. That was enough as it catapulted me towards her.

I am a maverick who does things out of the box. But I keep things simple even though I might make them look terribly complex. One has to work with me to understand and live with me to figure out, how I keep these pieces of jigsaw puzzle together. One has to engage herself with me to understand the pieces I am made of. And also most importantly one has to make me assured that I am needed and she has to be open about her love for me.

This was done so stupendously by a girl, which I think has changed and evolved my way of thinking. Earlier I used to think that she is so similar to me. To be truthful, she is similar to me in instances of generic thinking about how to live and how to let live. But there are some starkling differences which make us even more unique as a couple. I end up messing things, and she has the ability to put things back into context. When I am lazy, she springs into action, and when she is lazy I lend her the shoulder to rest. This way at least I am useful once :). I think in too many directions and she has the ability to think in one and one only. This helps me back into track. I plan too much and she deters in planning, at least both ways we have a plan and at the same time we do not have a plan. So the confusion ends up on we laughing on each other. I love to blow things out of proportions and she loves to keep it simple. This enables both of us to learn from each other. I love playing with kids and she loves me doing that. This was something I could see when I was there with her at her home. I love to love her and she loves being loved. She hates that she loves me, but she loves me and I love that she does that :D. Our food habits are totally different, they are worlds' apart :).

There are so many things that make us similar and so many things that makes us different. It is going to be interesting with her as we will be having an adventure of exploring ourselves everyday and still won't be running out of ideas. It is important to keep that spark alive in ourselves as a couple, and perhaps we will find that too. I want to learn everything about her, and still I should be left to learn more. That way I will have more to explore and she will have more to enable me do that. I love that I love her.

In desperate search of happiness...

As the global recession unfolds, it brings about the tyranny of human suffering along with it. Here in India, however, things seem very different. We have altogether suffered more than any of the so called First World countries that we have grown immune to it. Somehow, we are also not very immune to it. I heard a very recent quote - "If your neighbour is in economic pain it is recession, and if you are with him then it is 'Depression'". Very true, as our economic neighbours such as the US and Europe are in severe pain. But to roll back and trying to contemplate the actual reasons for this are fruitless as it shows, how human judgment can go wrong and greed can overpower the same judgment. This was so ridiculously true about Lehmann Brothers. Yesterday, I was going through an editorial in TOI which talked about "Fall of Capitalism". The author gave out many instances of fall and then rise of Capitalism. I will quote him differently though. Capitalism as a term should not be used, because it is an evolving organism. In today's world we cannot term something as Capitalism or Communism. China changed over a period of two decades and now perhaps US will go through a change. We call it - "The incessant push towards 'equilibrium', in simple terms of economics".

Perhaps US economy's overdrive towards heaven was suddenly halted, and the age old saying that no one could touch the sky, and one who thinks he has, he has to fall down to realize that he hasn't. With fall of US economy, I have a very nervous feeling that a new world order might arise. The question is who will be part of this new world order. I count the candidates on my fingers and can get some out. China, I believe is the biggest candidate. But like India they too are plagued by incessant paranoia. France has come out as another candidate. But they too suffer from too much inward delusions. Israel is too busy in their own wars. Germany is totally spent. English seem to have lost out. So who is left? There is a painful answer to this. Every great economic fall has led to a war. Last time it happened in WW-II, when Germany rose out of the economic rot to become a superpower. At that time Germany had the inner resources and was always seen as West's prime enemy. Thus, they came out to become the adversary.

But the question is, who now? Perhaps the game has changed now. I feel, the next war is going to be fought over energy, as one philosopher had suggested. The axis might be declared and it might well turn out to be the Middle East. Right from Iraq till Pakistan. Breaking out a war here is perhaps what US will always want for its gloating war machinery. But this war which seems to be war of unequals may turn out to be a global catastrophe. The simple analogy for this catastrophe is the rogue nature of the states that are under the war radar. Countries like Iran and Saudi Arabia are quite peculiarly backstabbing. Perhaps no one should forget Pakistan which is another runaway rogue nation. It is ruled by nincompoops and the power centres in Pakistan are so many that you cannot tell where the rulings are coming from. Pakistan is on verge of self-destruction and in a desperate last attempt it might fall down in front of the terrorists it grew on its soil. This will be a disaster, as the rogue nuclear facilities in Pakistan will fall in hands of these terrorists and that will be the start of global nuclear pounding of Pakistan and other adjacent nations such as Afghanistan and Iran.

My greatest fear is for India. It might turn out that the fallout of Pakistan will subsequently be very bad for India. These terrorists will have ready target in India for their rogue nuclear bombs. America is very far away, thus, their vulnerability is lesser in comparison to ours. Apart from India, China too might fall prey to their own buyers. Chinese have been suffering a lot of humiliation in Xinjiang, from these so called Islamic nincompoops.

Whatever might the scene be, a third World War will spell doom on this world, because in WW-II, at least Germans were reasonable enough, even though they were barbaric. Their loss subdued and repelled the Nazi character. However, for a third war on these rogue Islamic states, things will be different. Many of these Islamic leaders or nations, have little or no reasoning ability. Their sole push is for a revenge which has never been justified. Half of them don't know whom they are taking revenge from. Decades of in-fighting and social disasters has turned them into social zombies who have no brains. Thus, fighting such a lot needs equally bad attitude. Perhaps this time, allied forces might go for a total wipe-out of civillizations after civillization in these regions. If it happens, it might be very sad.

For India, the fear is of its own large Muslim population. Let us see how future's history unfolds...

Things are back into Shape Finally

I don't like it when things are not in my hand. I love times when I have freedom to do whatever I want and achieve. My motivation always lies in completing tasks with 100% of my effort put in. Also I don't like ups and downs in life, rather, I prefer things to be stable and persistent. People might think that I am a little conservative, but to tell the truth, this conservatism has bind together my family very firmly. And as I put my family first, it is always my first priority to have a stable life. After Aricent fiasco, I realized how weak Aricent's business model. Even in other IT firms it is similar. They have very weak models, even though they have survived for a long term. But I doubt that they will sustain businesses. When I came across BHEL, the first impression to me was that this firm would never like to have a guy like me. I am a software Engineer, who is too much into Services Marketing. The reality is this. But something else I came across when I sat in the interview. The scenario changed. My interview was not that great, but I did answer smartly and dodged dirty questions like a pro. Dimplomatic is the correct word for this. However, I was still unsure. But in the end of the day, I got the job... :) and finally my life is back into shape. BHEL is a PSU and have a very strong business model, unlike these lying software firms. Though they give lesser salaries, but they are surely better off, as they never face recessionary pressures. They have established themselves and thrived on it. Being a Govt. organization ensures that I will never lose my job. That is essential as I will be soon getting married. So, now I can breathe easy for a while, but not too easy till I get the offer letter and the joining letter. I cannot be so damn eased off now, as Aricent had did a fraud with me. However, I believe BHEL is not going to do something like this. Finally I can smile.... :)