Everytime I speak of heart, my heart is the one which makes me realize that the pureness is from within. Breaking a heart is a sin. I have been somewhat a aloof person, who always thought someone broke my heart. But then I realized it is me only who is responsible for it. So why am I cursing others. It is a crime to curse others for your own crimes. And I am becoming more and more criminal. I found the same with one I am in love with. She too has gone through a bad patch like me. Somewhat similar stories. We came closer because we thought in the same way. We kept on pulling ourselves down and when we came face to face with each other we both realized that if we are together, then we can climb this rickety ladder of life much easily because we will be looking out for each other. In our relationships we both found that we are at the receiving end. Time changed me, time has changed her too. We both evolved in the same way and that is why I think that we both reciprocate to each other well. There will be disagreements but I believe that if we both work together they can be solved easily and maturely. And I have full faith in her abilities of understanding me.
She has a Sacred Heart which is pure...
Love You Jaan...
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
The 4 days of Life
I cannot recall many days in which I have been happy but I can surely recall the 4 days I was with the one with whom I fell in love. I have no words to describe her, and I intend to do it here. It seems a impossible task but I can surely try.
She is a pretty girl with whom you talk, you'll very soon realize that she is in fact a very mature woman and not a girl. Amazing, because same is said about me. She is soft and tender by nature, but I know that she can be strong willed as well. "It all depends on situations", she says, I agree to it. Perhaps a stoned guy like me who has emotions which are deeply buried she is a big surprise. She is an image of me, this makes me very satisfied. I always searched for my life partner to be similar in thoughts and action. She has astonished me with her similarities to me. Her tastes and likings too match with those of mine. Well, on the counterpart, she is an artist and I am a methodical engineer. There is the only difference here.
The question I always ask myself is that "How did I fall in love with this gorgeous and wonderful girl?". And don't want to answer this question because I don't want to find reasons in this. She is the right one, and one and only one. The day I first talked to her, I felt an urge to get closer to her. And she gave me the "Yes" I was so eagerly waiting for. I just can't stop thanking her for this. But as it is said, in Love there is no thankfulness and there are no apologies, because me and her are now one unit, so whom am I thanking to. I'll be saying "Sorry" and "Thank You" to myself, which makes no sense. Rather than words, her eyes and her beautiful face shall describe her feelings. I caught her feelings and she appreciated it, and she is making me happiest person in this world by letting me be myself.
Now I shall describe her. Hmm.... well it is not a difficult task, but choice of words is extremely important. She stands tall enough to cross over my shoulders and has got Venus's blessing in her figure. Has the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. Her eyes are deep and very contemplative, something very similar to mine. Her hands are soft and very petit. She has this most descriptive faces, thus, you can immediately notice emotions. She is impatient for me :P. Well that's good, I have gone to the heights of desperation for her. But this wait I hope doesn't kill me. The day I held her hands I realized how much caring she can be. She pulled me around so that I am not a roadkill. I have always been sensitive and concious of girls touching me, but she made me absolutely confortable. This was again a surprise for me. I hope I turn out to be the one who would never make her cry and if she cries, I'll be there to wipe off her sadness. She looks good only when she is smiling or laughing. She somewhat talks like me, it fascinates me because if we are a couple, people will be amazed how similarly we think.
Now to the Chennai part...
Those 4 days were the most beautiful days of my life. We went around and very quickly came near to each other. Everytime I think of relationships, it took me gross number of days to fit in, and then I fitted out, because nothing worked well. She was different, it was the most smooth transition into Love and I am happy she is the one to help me. The second day I held her hands and immediately came to realize "Oh Man she is so soft and tender! And I am like a rocky hard rough and tough guy!" Well I was a little afraid that she is not hurt, but she liked the warmth of my hands. And from third day, I was unable to let her hands go off mine. She is very soothingly soft. She is afraid of blood and look at me, dozens of accidents, broken legs, hands, bruised body and what not. But I know, if I will be strong, she will grow strong with me. That is the beauty of it. She is looking for a support and I know that. My will power is a major thing in our relationship. She has a tendency of falling over for support, which I very soon realized in my 4 days stay. And I am happy to be that man.
"Don't you worry jaan, just keep your patience and pray for us... I'll take you away soon, but we have to keep patience, and let the storm come if there is any, I've the outworldly courage to fight and survive it, if you are with me..."
I Love Her, and I am Happy that I found the Right Person...
She is a pretty girl with whom you talk, you'll very soon realize that she is in fact a very mature woman and not a girl. Amazing, because same is said about me. She is soft and tender by nature, but I know that she can be strong willed as well. "It all depends on situations", she says, I agree to it. Perhaps a stoned guy like me who has emotions which are deeply buried she is a big surprise. She is an image of me, this makes me very satisfied. I always searched for my life partner to be similar in thoughts and action. She has astonished me with her similarities to me. Her tastes and likings too match with those of mine. Well, on the counterpart, she is an artist and I am a methodical engineer. There is the only difference here.
The question I always ask myself is that "How did I fall in love with this gorgeous and wonderful girl?". And don't want to answer this question because I don't want to find reasons in this. She is the right one, and one and only one. The day I first talked to her, I felt an urge to get closer to her. And she gave me the "Yes" I was so eagerly waiting for. I just can't stop thanking her for this. But as it is said, in Love there is no thankfulness and there are no apologies, because me and her are now one unit, so whom am I thanking to. I'll be saying "Sorry" and "Thank You" to myself, which makes no sense. Rather than words, her eyes and her beautiful face shall describe her feelings. I caught her feelings and she appreciated it, and she is making me happiest person in this world by letting me be myself.
Now I shall describe her. Hmm.... well it is not a difficult task, but choice of words is extremely important. She stands tall enough to cross over my shoulders and has got Venus's blessing in her figure. Has the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. Her eyes are deep and very contemplative, something very similar to mine. Her hands are soft and very petit. She has this most descriptive faces, thus, you can immediately notice emotions. She is impatient for me :P. Well that's good, I have gone to the heights of desperation for her. But this wait I hope doesn't kill me. The day I held her hands I realized how much caring she can be. She pulled me around so that I am not a roadkill. I have always been sensitive and concious of girls touching me, but she made me absolutely confortable. This was again a surprise for me. I hope I turn out to be the one who would never make her cry and if she cries, I'll be there to wipe off her sadness. She looks good only when she is smiling or laughing. She somewhat talks like me, it fascinates me because if we are a couple, people will be amazed how similarly we think.
Now to the Chennai part...
Those 4 days were the most beautiful days of my life. We went around and very quickly came near to each other. Everytime I think of relationships, it took me gross number of days to fit in, and then I fitted out, because nothing worked well. She was different, it was the most smooth transition into Love and I am happy she is the one to help me. The second day I held her hands and immediately came to realize "Oh Man she is so soft and tender! And I am like a rocky hard rough and tough guy!" Well I was a little afraid that she is not hurt, but she liked the warmth of my hands. And from third day, I was unable to let her hands go off mine. She is very soothingly soft. She is afraid of blood and look at me, dozens of accidents, broken legs, hands, bruised body and what not. But I know, if I will be strong, she will grow strong with me. That is the beauty of it. She is looking for a support and I know that. My will power is a major thing in our relationship. She has a tendency of falling over for support, which I very soon realized in my 4 days stay. And I am happy to be that man.
"Don't you worry jaan, just keep your patience and pray for us... I'll take you away soon, but we have to keep patience, and let the storm come if there is any, I've the outworldly courage to fight and survive it, if you are with me..."
I Love Her, and I am Happy that I found the Right Person...
My Rendezvous with Life
Here and Back Again, the Hobbit Bilbo Baggins said when he returned home to Shire at the Bag End. Somehow my life has been quite similar to the Hobbit's adventure. He experimented with adventure. I experimented with life. To begin the tale of dynamism in relationships which I have seen I must put somethings in context first. I am a pseudo-modern personality and have a high degree of acceptance in relationships. Thus, guys don't take me wrongly or interpret this as a fallacy of broken minds.
It was the year 1998. I was 16 years old. In fact too young to fall in love. But not too old to not appreciate it :P. Thus, first came the lady of light. She entered my life in the most unusual way. We were very good childhood friends as we were in same class, but I never felt for her, and considered her always as a good friend. It was only when one of my very good friends broke the silence. We were in a lab class when he said the "The Girl I am talking about" was pretty close to me, so please help me get near her. Well my head spinned off and that was the first time I realized that what infatuation means. But day after day I helped him, god only knows why. She was aware of me and had some idea as well. But I kept an uneasy distance. Finally in 2000 when we were departing from the school, it was the day when I first made somethings clear about us. I acted as a monk for the first time. I released everything from my hands. The obsession of her, the presence of her, everything was gone in a second.
Year 1999, along came the sequence of monthly heartbreaks. I came to know another person in my class in school. She was close, but I again treated her like a friend. God help me, at that time I was such a moron, I was not able to see into people's hearts at all. On the same day in 2000 as I described earlier, I let the birds fly. I started fresh.
Year 1999, in my coaching center, the person I came across was a very unusually enchanted in her own happiness of being a girl turning into woman. She was the first who actually reciprocated to me. We used to sit together and do assignments and problems together. Somehow we both had a knack of solving problems in the same way. The first person I really appreciated and in fact the only person I would take name of in this blog. Her name was Surabhi. I appreciated her a lot because she was peculiarly similar to me. But I had no stomach for more heartbreaks or even I was afraid of relationships. This was the glass window between me and her. She came into DCE and I was in NSIT. But never had a contact with her since 2000.
Along came the 4 year drought. It was my 4 years of Engineering at NSIT where I had no relationships whatsoever. It was a mad rush to achieve. I became a part of the rat race. Just kept cramming and kept myself alive. I lost a lot of my artistic touches and became a very absurdly methodical man. Year 2003, a person from my own college came a bit near to me. But she realized how shrewdly I was twisted and how unscruplously I was methodical. She was not able to stomach it and she vanished. Well it was better that she did go away. We had nothing in common.
The bliss begins again. Year 2004, June 14th, the day on which I felt what good friends are. Sandeep Chanani, Vinu, Vishy, Waddy, Lalu, Ritesh, Kunal, Chandralekha, Ashma, Sridevi, Pons, Bidya, Kalindi, Akshay ... I can just take almost all the 152 names. We were such a big unit and such a closely knit one. We were one, and we are still in touch, it makes me really happy that I made such good friends. And for the first time I realized the true meaning of friends.
5th Street, BTM Stage II, Bangalore ...
Vishy, Lalu and Waddy.... My room partners and me. We were the fantastic four. Always together and always looking out for each other. Vinu visited us and we went around almost everywhere in Bangalore together. Those are the best days of my life. June 14th 2004 to August 11th 2004.
August 16th, 2004 Chandigarh, Infosys Tech. Ltd., B-100, Industrial Area, Mohali, Phase VIII
Can never in my life, forget this address. Nor can I forget my flat Bunglow Number 3528, Sector 71 Mohali. I started the best 21 months of my life, where I came to know almost the most wide array of people. Their ideas, their likings, everything made me curious and also happy.
Year 2005, the most happening year in my life.
Came across, Kunal, Sanju, Ritesh, Namita, Anchal, Gunjan, Avneesh, Atul, Amit Kumar, Rajwanshi, Rahul, Nitin, Abhinav, Shilpa, Neeti and many... I was so happy to see them around me. Always knowing that Ashish is the guy who can really help and I am the one who is always ready for any outworldly help they want. I met my first love in 2005 "My Car" Santro XL ERlx. It opened the world for me. July 12th 2005, I fell in love with her (My Car). And I still love her and miss her a lot. But she misses someone in the front seat beside me. I wondered who that person is going to be, and always thought that when I waved my hands across the seat in anticipation. I found the real me in Chandigarh. This was what I am and I am a happy man ever since. I stopped a moment about realtionships. It was such a load, rather friends make me a merrier person. But I still craved for a soul-mate. Never was able to find one.
Year 2006 March 17th, The departure from Chandigarh
My new life started again in New Delhi, back to home and back to the person who loves me most - My Mom. Here I found Anurag, Pallavi, Priti, Jain Sahab, Ashish Garg, my PM Mr. Sukant, Shahnawaz, Amit Kumar again, Neeti again, Vineet, Jeeten, Josh Machine Naveen and many more... I was so happy that I am here and back again... No to relationships again :P.
Year 2007 June14th, The departure again...
Nothing was better, in IIT Kgp for MBA, a dream come true. This was the day I started thinking seriously about relationships and started my frantic search for the right person who will join beside me in 2009.
Year 2008 24th Feb and then March 5th to March 10th in Chennai...
The one I was looking for came as a cool breeze and settled in my life. I am writing a whole column for her. So watch out for it. She was such a tremendous entry into my life that my whole focus has now been her. She is the first who really appreciated the real me. In fact like me she too dislikes dishonest people, because both of us have been scarred by such elements. Life has never been so beautiful as it is now...
Journey of 11 years ends...
It was the year 1998. I was 16 years old. In fact too young to fall in love. But not too old to not appreciate it :P. Thus, first came the lady of light. She entered my life in the most unusual way. We were very good childhood friends as we were in same class, but I never felt for her, and considered her always as a good friend. It was only when one of my very good friends broke the silence. We were in a lab class when he said the "The Girl I am talking about" was pretty close to me, so please help me get near her. Well my head spinned off and that was the first time I realized that what infatuation means. But day after day I helped him, god only knows why. She was aware of me and had some idea as well. But I kept an uneasy distance. Finally in 2000 when we were departing from the school, it was the day when I first made somethings clear about us. I acted as a monk for the first time. I released everything from my hands. The obsession of her, the presence of her, everything was gone in a second.
Year 1999, along came the sequence of monthly heartbreaks. I came to know another person in my class in school. She was close, but I again treated her like a friend. God help me, at that time I was such a moron, I was not able to see into people's hearts at all. On the same day in 2000 as I described earlier, I let the birds fly. I started fresh.
Year 1999, in my coaching center, the person I came across was a very unusually enchanted in her own happiness of being a girl turning into woman. She was the first who actually reciprocated to me. We used to sit together and do assignments and problems together. Somehow we both had a knack of solving problems in the same way. The first person I really appreciated and in fact the only person I would take name of in this blog. Her name was Surabhi. I appreciated her a lot because she was peculiarly similar to me. But I had no stomach for more heartbreaks or even I was afraid of relationships. This was the glass window between me and her. She came into DCE and I was in NSIT. But never had a contact with her since 2000.
Along came the 4 year drought. It was my 4 years of Engineering at NSIT where I had no relationships whatsoever. It was a mad rush to achieve. I became a part of the rat race. Just kept cramming and kept myself alive. I lost a lot of my artistic touches and became a very absurdly methodical man. Year 2003, a person from my own college came a bit near to me. But she realized how shrewdly I was twisted and how unscruplously I was methodical. She was not able to stomach it and she vanished. Well it was better that she did go away. We had nothing in common.
The bliss begins again. Year 2004, June 14th, the day on which I felt what good friends are. Sandeep Chanani, Vinu, Vishy, Waddy, Lalu, Ritesh, Kunal, Chandralekha, Ashma, Sridevi, Pons, Bidya, Kalindi, Akshay ... I can just take almost all the 152 names. We were such a big unit and such a closely knit one. We were one, and we are still in touch, it makes me really happy that I made such good friends. And for the first time I realized the true meaning of friends.
5th Street, BTM Stage II, Bangalore ...
Vishy, Lalu and Waddy.... My room partners and me. We were the fantastic four. Always together and always looking out for each other. Vinu visited us and we went around almost everywhere in Bangalore together. Those are the best days of my life. June 14th 2004 to August 11th 2004.
August 16th, 2004 Chandigarh, Infosys Tech. Ltd., B-100, Industrial Area, Mohali, Phase VIII
Can never in my life, forget this address. Nor can I forget my flat Bunglow Number 3528, Sector 71 Mohali. I started the best 21 months of my life, where I came to know almost the most wide array of people. Their ideas, their likings, everything made me curious and also happy.
Year 2005, the most happening year in my life.
Came across, Kunal, Sanju, Ritesh, Namita, Anchal, Gunjan, Avneesh, Atul, Amit Kumar, Rajwanshi, Rahul, Nitin, Abhinav, Shilpa, Neeti and many... I was so happy to see them around me. Always knowing that Ashish is the guy who can really help and I am the one who is always ready for any outworldly help they want. I met my first love in 2005 "My Car" Santro XL ERlx. It opened the world for me. July 12th 2005, I fell in love with her (My Car). And I still love her and miss her a lot. But she misses someone in the front seat beside me. I wondered who that person is going to be, and always thought that when I waved my hands across the seat in anticipation. I found the real me in Chandigarh. This was what I am and I am a happy man ever since. I stopped a moment about realtionships. It was such a load, rather friends make me a merrier person. But I still craved for a soul-mate. Never was able to find one.
Year 2006 March 17th, The departure from Chandigarh
My new life started again in New Delhi, back to home and back to the person who loves me most - My Mom. Here I found Anurag, Pallavi, Priti, Jain Sahab, Ashish Garg, my PM Mr. Sukant, Shahnawaz, Amit Kumar again, Neeti again, Vineet, Jeeten, Josh Machine Naveen and many more... I was so happy that I am here and back again... No to relationships again :P.
Year 2007 June14th, The departure again...
Nothing was better, in IIT Kgp for MBA, a dream come true. This was the day I started thinking seriously about relationships and started my frantic search for the right person who will join beside me in 2009.
Year 2008 24th Feb and then March 5th to March 10th in Chennai...
The one I was looking for came as a cool breeze and settled in my life. I am writing a whole column for her. So watch out for it. She was such a tremendous entry into my life that my whole focus has now been her. She is the first who really appreciated the real me. In fact like me she too dislikes dishonest people, because both of us have been scarred by such elements. Life has never been so beautiful as it is now...
Journey of 11 years ends...
About Me and Reverse Philosophy - Philosophy Turned Upside Down
Well, Reverse Philosophy defines it all, but it is always better to start fresh. I am Ashish Behera who is in the world of tyrannical preaching of good living through alternate middle path, which took me years to comprehend and understand. Like all good things in life, we guys, most of the times behave like imbiciles and I am no different. I changed over a long period of 8 years since I achieved adulthood. It was frantic experimentations with life that taught me the virtue of life itself.
So what is Reverse Philosophy? To sum it up it is a way of alternate living. Without bondages and bandages. People who read this have to be really analytical to make out the words :-). Anyhow I'll not get more cryptic. Reverse Philosophy is my way of interpreting this world which has been meandering like a river. I see things very straight so make no mistakes that I commit mistakes. But I can take lessons from life and wake up for the next morning's call to apologize in no time. Thus, Reverse Philosophy for me is to understand yourself completely first. Learn about yourself, what you are, how you are and why you are. These three questions if asked in depth will certainly open the pandoras box. I don't keep anything hidden as secrets hurt if they come out late. Thus, Ashish's Philosophy aka Reverse Philosophy is a matter of self understanding.
I have a belief that if you cannot understand youself then you can never understand people around you. It is a very good art to be a duplicate self and pretending your way of life. But does it really help. It is a good thing as it gives you instant high level of satisfaction, but it is like the firefly's light. It keeps jumping and is not consistent. Fortunately, there is an alternate middle path. The path of salvation as described by Buddha himself. But he left the philosophy to be interpreted in our own ways. I did an interpretation in my own way. And finally I came out with my own version.
I was an aggressive person, perhaps that was the reason for which I am still immensely ambitious, and same is the reason for which I went relationship-less for years. People came and went away because they felt I am too much into my ownself. Then, self realization came, and uplifted me and I was surrounded, but damn my own reservations about relationships and fear of being a stupendously fabulous fool, I kept away. Thus, loss after loss, made me really concious of what wrong I was doing. I literally turned myself upside down. From tails I flipped and became heads. Now there is a wonderful person whom I am able to keep attached to me. And she too reciprocates well.
Ego is a big word for me as I never was able to understand what ego means. I ask for sorry even if I say something right, but feel that it has hurt someone. I can be really like a tree full of fruits which lowers itself down. I can ask for sorry for people, even if they hurt me. I feel for them and have full faith that they will come to know their mistakes someday or the other. It is a method of non-violence taught by Gandhiji. He applied it for our freedom, I apply it for my happiness.
Love is the most beautiful word in the English Dictionary. It encompasses life. Life without love is a barren desert and I lived in it for many years. Make sure that you don't let away people who love you. It hurts to know that they are gone.
So I shall write more. And I'll definitely share the peculiar but astonishingly beautiful finding I have in my life recently....
Ashes to Phoenix - That's me
So what is Reverse Philosophy? To sum it up it is a way of alternate living. Without bondages and bandages. People who read this have to be really analytical to make out the words :-). Anyhow I'll not get more cryptic. Reverse Philosophy is my way of interpreting this world which has been meandering like a river. I see things very straight so make no mistakes that I commit mistakes. But I can take lessons from life and wake up for the next morning's call to apologize in no time. Thus, Reverse Philosophy for me is to understand yourself completely first. Learn about yourself, what you are, how you are and why you are. These three questions if asked in depth will certainly open the pandoras box. I don't keep anything hidden as secrets hurt if they come out late. Thus, Ashish's Philosophy aka Reverse Philosophy is a matter of self understanding.
I have a belief that if you cannot understand youself then you can never understand people around you. It is a very good art to be a duplicate self and pretending your way of life. But does it really help. It is a good thing as it gives you instant high level of satisfaction, but it is like the firefly's light. It keeps jumping and is not consistent. Fortunately, there is an alternate middle path. The path of salvation as described by Buddha himself. But he left the philosophy to be interpreted in our own ways. I did an interpretation in my own way. And finally I came out with my own version.
I was an aggressive person, perhaps that was the reason for which I am still immensely ambitious, and same is the reason for which I went relationship-less for years. People came and went away because they felt I am too much into my ownself. Then, self realization came, and uplifted me and I was surrounded, but damn my own reservations about relationships and fear of being a stupendously fabulous fool, I kept away. Thus, loss after loss, made me really concious of what wrong I was doing. I literally turned myself upside down. From tails I flipped and became heads. Now there is a wonderful person whom I am able to keep attached to me. And she too reciprocates well.
Ego is a big word for me as I never was able to understand what ego means. I ask for sorry even if I say something right, but feel that it has hurt someone. I can be really like a tree full of fruits which lowers itself down. I can ask for sorry for people, even if they hurt me. I feel for them and have full faith that they will come to know their mistakes someday or the other. It is a method of non-violence taught by Gandhiji. He applied it for our freedom, I apply it for my happiness.
Love is the most beautiful word in the English Dictionary. It encompasses life. Life without love is a barren desert and I lived in it for many years. Make sure that you don't let away people who love you. It hurts to know that they are gone.
So I shall write more. And I'll definitely share the peculiar but astonishingly beautiful finding I have in my life recently....
Ashes to Phoenix - That's me
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