As beautiful the days are!

Slowly and gradually, my MBA has finally come to an end. All's well that ends well, the saying goes true for all and perhaps it held true for me too. The roller coaster ride in the past 3 months left me gasping for breath. But finally success was mine. BHEL was a big surprise. I never had imagined in my life that I would finally land a job in a PSU. Everyone is happy around me. This much celebration was not even there when I landed a job in Aricent. Maybe because everyone in my family is in either Govt. service or PSU.

I have been particularly a very lucky person and I don't deny that. Now I have a job and also have a beautiful girl who accepted me into her own life. This has been a bliss. I have already started planning out for the future. It is all that is required. Evrything is going as I had expected and also planned to some extent. However, my plans change course and meander as and when required. Aricent was an unplanned collapse and I had no contingency for it. It was all so sudden that my future went for a toss. Somehow, someone was praying for me. My parents, my brothers and sisters and above all, the girl I am soon going to marry. I am doing all this for her, and I know she accepts that. Above all she gave me a purpose for my life which was so vehemently missing.

As I wait, she also waits for 27th April 2009, our engagement date. I cannot forget 18th Feb 2008 when I first spoke to her. 6th March 2008, when I first met her. 7th March 2008, when I first held her hands. and 14th November 2008, when I first accompanied her to meet her Dad. She showed me, how much she loves me. She used to eagerly wait for me on the door of her house for me to come in. I waited for these moments so much in anticipation. I always wanted someone to at least give me a tiny bit of importance, which I never get. It is all so much expected that I will live twice longer in happiness. Some say that love increases your life, I can already see it increasing. She gives me love, attention, importance and above all a purpose and a drive to live.

We are an unusual couple. I am not handsome. I am rather a slim, wheatish fellow who uses his wits, wisdom, words and voice to keep command over people. Many who have met me, always be happy to meet me. I might have a heavy voice but I hardly overrun people with it. She is a petit, beutiful, fair and really a woman who knows how to carry herself. I am heavily inclined towards making a mess of my room and per se, my livelihood. She has a tendency of keeping everything in shape. This was something that I always wanted as I am too dependent on my Mom for everything. My girl is going to take her place now in keeping me in shape.

I love her a lot, can't live without her even a second and she keeps saying that I don't... But deep in her heart she knows how much I love her...

My belief is coming true...

In came today - 3rd March 2009, the biggest shock but not exactly a surprise. Sri Lanka team was attacked in broad daylight by Pakistani terrorist morons. It wasn't a surprise for me at all. In fact I was just waiting for this to happen so that the world can see that this rogue country seriously needs to be split into smaller manageable states, just as it was crippled and divided in 1971, as it had started showing signs of being rogue. 14 morons with AK 47, and other sophisticated weapons, roaming freely in the streets of Pakistan, wow, now that is Pakistan for you. In India too these same bastards sent a few morons. They did wound India but never injured or retired India. In this post I shall take you through the chronology of Pakistan's demise from prosperity and finally a split in the nation, which will eventually occur. Pakistan is succumbing to its own wrong doings and now it is in a hyper accelerated rate of that decline. I was a little surprised, that it happened this soon.

How Pakis are going for the Great Tumble -

1. Girls schools attacked, bombed and destroyed - Pakis are going towards stone-age. Thus, let them go, the more they are near stone age, the safer rest of the world is. With no girls' education, higher infant mortality and staggeringly lowly education standards, their population is bound to decline and wither off with time.

2. Phony (Non-)Islamic Laws in place of standard judiciary - Welcome the total catastrophe. These are no hadith or quran versions. These are phony laws made by some stupid qazi who couldn't read, so he made all nonsense in his head to be written. If somebody disagreed he simply cut off the head or hands of that man/woman. These are the laws that these (Non)Islamic morons propagate. And thankfully Pakistan is headed into deep shit because of these posers.

3. Sports attacked - Finally sports in the country is spectacularly dying out. Same happened in Afghanistan. Footballers were killed and maimed. So now, Pakistan is heading to the same deep shit hole.

4. No foreigners allowed - Tourism is dead in Pakistan. So now one of the sources of their income is dead. They cannot tolerate outsiders, so let them not. I feel US should pull out forces and let these Islamic bastards start cutting each others heads. But, it has a catch. These people don't know how to live peacefully and let live peacefully. So one radical option is to Nuke Pakis and the terrorist to hell from where they have sprouted out.

5. Economy in disaster and Corrupt and impotent Leaders (Deadly Cocktail) - Pakis have always had the best impotent Leaders in the world. They have chosen a path to disaster, so let them walk.

So, what is the option for the civilized world. Break Pakis into manageable states. That is the best option that other nations have. Make them squabble continuosly amongst each other. At least it will keep them busy cutting each others heads. Pakis stink and Porkistan is headed to a natural fallout.

Ephemerally Ethereal

What I speak of in this post is simply not understood by many. Many people ask questions to themselves and when they do not get an answer from within they seek out answers from wise men. When that door becomes closed, they simply abandon the search and get on with their lives. I have done that several times, and trust me, I have grown tired of abandoning my search. This led me into a frantic regathering of my own senses. The question I sought an answer to is too simple for anyone to answer, but it is rather too complicated, the way I see it. Is love "ephemeral" (everlasting) or is it "ethereal" (out of this world)?

So many wise men gave their views on this topic. I read a lot to find out. But I was dissapointed because I never found what it meant. And believe me, as simple the love you think is, it is not. What led me to a search was a string of lucky breaks I got to be with people whom I loved. They through their own experiences gave me an insight into how simple it looked from outside, but at the same time how difficult it became from inside.

In my story, a girl loved a boy. She had immense faith in him. But every now and then she doubted him. He was a very popular man in his own friends' circle. Always sought by women and his peers. She was not sure if he really loved her. She kept asking questions to him. He used to calmly answer that he only loves her. But jealousy of he being popular always overshadowed their relationship. Slowly the boy started getting averse to the girl. He started ignoring her, even though there was not another. He fell into grief and the girl never found out what happened. She was so much engrossed in imagining that the boy had another affair that she never realized that this same had killed her own love.

One fine day, the boy left for a foreign nation and the girl was left behind. She never got a chance to even say a goodbye. The boy left with his fate, never hoping to return. As a year passed, the girl found another person. He was one fine man. And he took good care of the girl. But the girl was not able to forget the boy. She never got the answer from him. Soon this was realized by the new guy. He was not very popular but he sure had his own ways with girls. The girl found out that this new man, is not what she had thought. He had clandestine relationships and he never told about them. She never had the feelings to ask him as well. The elasticity of relationship had stretched too far that it had to break.

The boy meanwhile, kept himself sunk in his own grief. He never called her, even though he tried once or twice. After a year he returned, and he tried to reach the girl. But after learning about her new realtionship he resigned himself to his own fate. His love was ephemeral but the girl never realized it. Soon the girl came to know about the boy's return. Some life got into her veins. Finally the girl gathered courage and met the boy, only to realize how sad he had become after she left him. She too realized how lonely she had gone after he dissapeared. Thus, love is ethereal. You might know that you are in love but you actually never realize it. Love makes you realize, the way you want to realize. People say it is a situation, I call it fate. Soon they were together again.

Thus, if you are in true love it is always ephemeral and it makes you realize that you are in true love because love is ethereal.

Life is what you perceive and not what you think or plan...

Every now and then I have wondered, has everything gone as I had planned, or has everything gone the way it had to go. I simply never get an answer. Just because I do not have an answer. Whatever I have planned for my career, for my living standards, for my education and for myself, those events and things have gone the way they should have. I have deviated very less in this regard. However, BHEL was a big surprise jump in my career, from IT to core operations marketing :).

But when it comes to life, it is a bigger surprise. Once I had thought that I would perhaps never get a soulmate. As and when I came across people, I was left out with huge differences in attitude. Slowly and gradually I started becoming averse to even trying to find a soulmate. In management terms we call it the "spiral & denial death trap". If someone goes into the "Ho Jaayega" mode he is more likely to fail. I went into that same death trap and left myself to fate. Somehow, fate had something in store for me. It had the biggest surprises of all. It would change my way of looking at things and conversely looking at myself being with people.

I found someone, from whose eyes I couldn't take my eyes off. It was not just beauty that bedazzled me, it was something more than that. It was her ability to actually let me be what I am. It was her ability to actually boss around on me, but, still giving me enough freedom to breathe my part of life. It was her ability to give me myself and make me realize that I was needed for once. That was enough as it catapulted me towards her.

I am a maverick who does things out of the box. But I keep things simple even though I might make them look terribly complex. One has to work with me to understand and live with me to figure out, how I keep these pieces of jigsaw puzzle together. One has to engage herself with me to understand the pieces I am made of. And also most importantly one has to make me assured that I am needed and she has to be open about her love for me.

This was done so stupendously by a girl, which I think has changed and evolved my way of thinking. Earlier I used to think that she is so similar to me. To be truthful, she is similar to me in instances of generic thinking about how to live and how to let live. But there are some starkling differences which make us even more unique as a couple. I end up messing things, and she has the ability to put things back into context. When I am lazy, she springs into action, and when she is lazy I lend her the shoulder to rest. This way at least I am useful once :). I think in too many directions and she has the ability to think in one and one only. This helps me back into track. I plan too much and she deters in planning, at least both ways we have a plan and at the same time we do not have a plan. So the confusion ends up on we laughing on each other. I love to blow things out of proportions and she loves to keep it simple. This enables both of us to learn from each other. I love playing with kids and she loves me doing that. This was something I could see when I was there with her at her home. I love to love her and she loves being loved. She hates that she loves me, but she loves me and I love that she does that :D. Our food habits are totally different, they are worlds' apart :).

There are so many things that make us similar and so many things that makes us different. It is going to be interesting with her as we will be having an adventure of exploring ourselves everyday and still won't be running out of ideas. It is important to keep that spark alive in ourselves as a couple, and perhaps we will find that too. I want to learn everything about her, and still I should be left to learn more. That way I will have more to explore and she will have more to enable me do that. I love that I love her.

In desperate search of happiness...

As the global recession unfolds, it brings about the tyranny of human suffering along with it. Here in India, however, things seem very different. We have altogether suffered more than any of the so called First World countries that we have grown immune to it. Somehow, we are also not very immune to it. I heard a very recent quote - "If your neighbour is in economic pain it is recession, and if you are with him then it is 'Depression'". Very true, as our economic neighbours such as the US and Europe are in severe pain. But to roll back and trying to contemplate the actual reasons for this are fruitless as it shows, how human judgment can go wrong and greed can overpower the same judgment. This was so ridiculously true about Lehmann Brothers. Yesterday, I was going through an editorial in TOI which talked about "Fall of Capitalism". The author gave out many instances of fall and then rise of Capitalism. I will quote him differently though. Capitalism as a term should not be used, because it is an evolving organism. In today's world we cannot term something as Capitalism or Communism. China changed over a period of two decades and now perhaps US will go through a change. We call it - "The incessant push towards 'equilibrium', in simple terms of economics".

Perhaps US economy's overdrive towards heaven was suddenly halted, and the age old saying that no one could touch the sky, and one who thinks he has, he has to fall down to realize that he hasn't. With fall of US economy, I have a very nervous feeling that a new world order might arise. The question is who will be part of this new world order. I count the candidates on my fingers and can get some out. China, I believe is the biggest candidate. But like India they too are plagued by incessant paranoia. France has come out as another candidate. But they too suffer from too much inward delusions. Israel is too busy in their own wars. Germany is totally spent. English seem to have lost out. So who is left? There is a painful answer to this. Every great economic fall has led to a war. Last time it happened in WW-II, when Germany rose out of the economic rot to become a superpower. At that time Germany had the inner resources and was always seen as West's prime enemy. Thus, they came out to become the adversary.

But the question is, who now? Perhaps the game has changed now. I feel, the next war is going to be fought over energy, as one philosopher had suggested. The axis might be declared and it might well turn out to be the Middle East. Right from Iraq till Pakistan. Breaking out a war here is perhaps what US will always want for its gloating war machinery. But this war which seems to be war of unequals may turn out to be a global catastrophe. The simple analogy for this catastrophe is the rogue nature of the states that are under the war radar. Countries like Iran and Saudi Arabia are quite peculiarly backstabbing. Perhaps no one should forget Pakistan which is another runaway rogue nation. It is ruled by nincompoops and the power centres in Pakistan are so many that you cannot tell where the rulings are coming from. Pakistan is on verge of self-destruction and in a desperate last attempt it might fall down in front of the terrorists it grew on its soil. This will be a disaster, as the rogue nuclear facilities in Pakistan will fall in hands of these terrorists and that will be the start of global nuclear pounding of Pakistan and other adjacent nations such as Afghanistan and Iran.

My greatest fear is for India. It might turn out that the fallout of Pakistan will subsequently be very bad for India. These terrorists will have ready target in India for their rogue nuclear bombs. America is very far away, thus, their vulnerability is lesser in comparison to ours. Apart from India, China too might fall prey to their own buyers. Chinese have been suffering a lot of humiliation in Xinjiang, from these so called Islamic nincompoops.

Whatever might the scene be, a third World War will spell doom on this world, because in WW-II, at least Germans were reasonable enough, even though they were barbaric. Their loss subdued and repelled the Nazi character. However, for a third war on these rogue Islamic states, things will be different. Many of these Islamic leaders or nations, have little or no reasoning ability. Their sole push is for a revenge which has never been justified. Half of them don't know whom they are taking revenge from. Decades of in-fighting and social disasters has turned them into social zombies who have no brains. Thus, fighting such a lot needs equally bad attitude. Perhaps this time, allied forces might go for a total wipe-out of civillizations after civillization in these regions. If it happens, it might be very sad.

For India, the fear is of its own large Muslim population. Let us see how future's history unfolds...

Things are back into Shape Finally

I don't like it when things are not in my hand. I love times when I have freedom to do whatever I want and achieve. My motivation always lies in completing tasks with 100% of my effort put in. Also I don't like ups and downs in life, rather, I prefer things to be stable and persistent. People might think that I am a little conservative, but to tell the truth, this conservatism has bind together my family very firmly. And as I put my family first, it is always my first priority to have a stable life. After Aricent fiasco, I realized how weak Aricent's business model. Even in other IT firms it is similar. They have very weak models, even though they have survived for a long term. But I doubt that they will sustain businesses. When I came across BHEL, the first impression to me was that this firm would never like to have a guy like me. I am a software Engineer, who is too much into Services Marketing. The reality is this. But something else I came across when I sat in the interview. The scenario changed. My interview was not that great, but I did answer smartly and dodged dirty questions like a pro. Dimplomatic is the correct word for this. However, I was still unsure. But in the end of the day, I got the job... :) and finally my life is back into shape. BHEL is a PSU and have a very strong business model, unlike these lying software firms. Though they give lesser salaries, but they are surely better off, as they never face recessionary pressures. They have established themselves and thrived on it. Being a Govt. organization ensures that I will never lose my job. That is essential as I will be soon getting married. So, now I can breathe easy for a while, but not too easy till I get the offer letter and the joining letter. I cannot be so damn eased off now, as Aricent had did a fraud with me. However, I believe BHEL is not going to do something like this. Finally I can smile.... :)

Left out, cheated, duped and perhaps with no chance even provided

I start writing this with only one note which I have been writing all these days. Repetitions of these same events of cheating targeted towards me in this grim scenario of economic downturn has left me totally helpless. I simply don't know what is happening and what will happen. With education loan breathing down my neck and virtually no finances to support myself, I am in midst of self destruction. I have been very diligently following what is happening in the market and can tell that it is no where near recovery. Why I say so is because of chronology of events and the chain reaction which led to this problem. However, this post is not for this discussion. I maintain my previous position that all I see is total calamity for myself in the coming months. I have no great financial backing or background. Thus, I had to take a loan of Rs. 3 lacs for my education. It will have an emi of nearly Rs. 8000 when I graduate out of IIT Kharagpur for a forgettable MBA degree. With no job and also an obligation to pay out nearly 12-14K per month in EMIs, it is coming to an end of the road for me. Aricent did the worst cheating with me. I just can't believe on what happened. I was left clueless. They did it after day 0 and 1 had passed out. I was not even given a chance. So nicely was the cheat done on me. I can now never forgive Aricent for the torment they are putting me in. Here in IIT Kharagpur also I would say that the MBA program is a big farce. They claimed to be the top of the league college, so why the hell are they not able to bring some major companies which are visiting other campuses. Surely, the bubble here has burst too. I had to apply into several commodity trading and separate consultancy firms, out of sheer desperation. I knew the result yield in these would be very less and in fact none of them materialized. I simply don't know where I am headed towards. I think that I might have to sell off my car to reduce the burden of loans upon me. I love my car but I believe that I have to let her go as I cannot afford her anymore. My shweetu too is now suffering with me, which I believe is another chain reaction. I always had a fear of this and it has occurred. Is it because of me? Is it my mistake? I have no answers. I believe that this will be first time in my life when I will go without a job. I have been an excellent performer, but I feel performance has no value. The world is ruled by cheats who cheat your ideas out.